I logged on with several things on my mind, but wasn't sure what would come out when my fingers started to move across the keyboard, but all I can think about is how hard this life has become with the state of Covid 19, all of the political posts, everyone feeling far too much freedom to pass judgment on others for decisions they've struggled to make. What has happened to our world? Who have we become?
Obviously those are rhetorical questions but they have earned a place for deep thought. I used to love watching the news because it made me feel somewhat connected to the world, reading the newspaper for content, and thumbing through social media as a means of staying "up" on the events I cannot live for the mere fact they are happening apart from where I live. That yearning for more information, possibly even learning perhaps, is something that I was born with, and I have come to recognize as one of my greatest assets (and biggest detriments).
But the news is no longer appealing. There are no "feel good" stories. I'm not seeing content worthy of my time in any newspaper. I haven't enjoyed social media nearly as much. And to be completely honest, the thought of giving up anything and everything that's supposed to "share" information has crossed my mind more times than I can count.
It makes me sad.
We have brought four awesome, righteous, and inquisitive souls into this world. We welcomed them lovingly into this life knowing that some times will be hard, some will be fun, and they will teach us more about ourselves than we could have ever learned in any classroom, book, or worldly experience. I never understood why people felt scared about bringing children into this world, because I truly feel that our babies can change this world if they want to... but I kind of get it, now.
I don't want to send them to school in masks. I don't want to have to make a hard decision about where they'll go, who they'll see, or how they will interact with them. I don't want others passing judgment on their righteous souls because of a decision I was forced to make for them at this point in their life; much less passing judgment for a decision they made for themselves when we have given them the freedom to make that decision.
It's just hard.
Hard work and hard choices have never scared us, but some of the things we're forced to choose now are harder than we ever anticipated. They are hard emotionally, physically, mentally, and hard for our family, our marriage, and our lives. "The living ain't easy" anymore folks.
While it's hard, it has given us such a wonderful chance to step back and come together. We have had to make those hard decisions as a team. We've had to lean on each other for help with the hard thoughts, the hard days, and the hard life. We've done it together, and it's made us even more grateful to be together.
All six of us. In the three bedroom house my husband grew up in. Together. All the time (insert frustrated shutter and shiver here because Lord knows we need some space). We're leaning in, sticking it out, and making it work. Even when it's hard.
I have tried to remind myself over and over that this is just a season. One season of life. It's not our entire life. It will impact our entire life, but it is not our entire life.
Someday I will love the news again. I will enjoy my front porch rocking chair with the newspaper again. Our kids will embrace their friends, family, and others freely again. We will feel good about bringing four strong-willed humans into this world again. And life will go on. It always does.
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