The Dance

It seems like this has become my annual “thing“ to blog about, and while that may seem mundane and boring to some, I’m good with putting it all out there again to add another chapter’s view of what is our life.

Last year I shared a photo of our three small children watching the well-choreographed dance of machinery coming in/out of our driveway  at the end of a long day harvesting. This picture is similar, but says so much more than the obvious.

Yes. There is multiple pieces of machinery moving in a strong formation; 2 tractors with grain carts looking for their spot in the shed, 1 semi unloading grain inside the “bucket elevator shed” while a 2nd waits in line to do the same, 1 of the guys’ pickups parked in the yard, multiple grain bins waiting to be filled with (what I like to refer to as) liquid gold (ok, obviously we don’t fill them with liquid at all, but the kernels and pods run through it like liquid).

What you don’t see? Those 2 tractors and grain carts came into the driveway completely synchronized and probably anxious for their parking spot to give the “conductors” a well-deserved break. What really happened next? One of them went back to the field. I don’t know why. But obviously there was still more work to be done, and that tractor with grain cart is an integral part of efficient progress in every single field and farm.

The semis that are hauling grain are a luxury. Those grain carts can do the same thing, but not nearly as quickly or in such large quantities. Often, the grain carts are unloading into the semis as fast as possible and turning around to get another load; those semis can haul (more than) twice the amount of a grain cart and move it to further places. Not every farm is fortunate enough to have multiple semis, and we know that, but on our farm, they’re incredibly important.

The grain bins where those semis bring the crops that were unloaded from the grain cart to be stored are merely a facade. They stand tall, broad and big, sometimes shiny or bright, withstanding great fetes of weather and time, holding the quintessential “keys” to greater success by being able to market grain for maximum (potential) pricing/income. They look pretty good, right? (I’m assuming you have a proverbial “yeah” right here) That’s good to hear.

Because about 6 weeks ago the beautiful Pecan tree we estimated to be about 80 years old fell on those grain bins after a storm that would make even the oldest farmers cringe with nerves. It crushed one portion of 2 bins.  The sheer weight and impact shook them so hard that the grain tubes were off of each bin, which means the liquid gold wouldn’t have been flowing anywhere but right back on the ground. Getting the mess left behind from that storm cleaned up involved an entirely different choreography than we’d ever experienced before - and hopefully won’t be seeing again any time in the near future. That dance was not fun, but it had to be done, and the machinery involved moved through the motions with grace and ease. They were the most useful tools of their drivers and a great asset to the continued productivity of this farm.

So when I was folding laundry and saw the opening sequence taking place, I took a moment to enjoy the beauty of this dance. I stood in our front yard wearing pajama shorts and a tank top (sorry about your view, boys!), taking more photos than necessary... because what good is a perfectly choreographed dance if no one sees it to appreciate the true beauty of effective synchronization?

Self-Care Ain't So Bad

Picture this, you've worked in varying fields of interest for around 15 years, you enter into a new job with a light hesitation because you're not 100% sure what you just signed on the dotted line to do - and two years later you're sitting back smiling because you've finally found your niche.  Sounds perfectly cliche, right?  

Now let's take it down the alternate ending path, go through all those first steps, but at the end of the 22nd month in said-perfect-niche-job, you find out that the funding for your program has been cut and your perfect-niche-job will no longer exist.  The story isn't so sweet, now, is it?

Well there I am, the second option, that alternate ending - it's not my "end" - but it's my current location.

And it's thrown me for a loop.

Sure, I'm lucky to have a couple of other options I could pursue if I should choose to do so, and I have an education that can't ever be taken away from me.  But the one that really gets me, and is the point (I know, the fifth paragraph in, and I'm finally getting to the point) of this blog post, is what I hear from a bout 90% of the people that find out I will no longer have the job I've enjoyed for 22ish months...

"You have four kids, why don't you just stay home?"

Ok, first of all, let's consider the one word in that sentence that absolutely makes my blood boil.  JUST. JUST stay home.  Are you kidding me?  How many mothers of anything (dog, cat, hamster, humans, whatever) get to ever JUST stay home?  That's a full time job that gives me anxiety at the mere thought of it.  It's not JUST anything.  It's a huge ball of messes, meals, emotions, errands, and extra cleaning all rolled into one... with absolutely no paycheck (yeah, yeah, yeah, give me the rundown of all the benefits it will afford me and my family's future right here             ), absolutely no thanks, and even less appreciation than a water business in winter.  And it's everyone from scumbags of the Earth to incredibly educated politicians, all of whom use the phrase "just staying home".  WHY? It's just a suggestion, I suppose?

Second of all.  Four kids.  That's right.  We have FOUR kids.  Do you have any idea how much it costs simply to feed, clothe, house, and bathe them all? Not to mention when my husband and I would like a little something for ourselves or something nicer than a yard sale find in July?  Because let me tell you, at this point, we aren't living in the lap of luxury with a three bedroom home for our 6 person family, but we are happy and it's within our means - the means we can provide while I have an income to assist with supporting our family.  Not to mention that our fourth baby's first few months didn't exactly go like anyone planned, so he's now on full time formula at a whopping $200+ per month.  I guess that money will come up somewhere I've never heard of if I just stay home?

Third, and absolutely the most important, but possibly the most detrimental to my mental well-being when I take everyone's reactions to heart... because I'm a softy like that (awwww).  I'm not meant to be a stay at home Mom.  Yes, I know that sounds like I don't care about my kids to anyone that doesn't know what I mean.  What I wish you (those people) knew, is women practicing a little self-care isn't always a bad thing - especially in rural communities.  For I don't know how long, it has been conceived that a woman doing what's best for herself is a negative thing; her "job" should be to serve everyone else, her children/family first, and worry about herself last.

Well guess what, sweetheart, those days are long gone.  And if knowing/doing what is best for me makes me less of a woman in someone's eyes, then so be it.  Sometimes, Moms have to put themselves first, so they can be at their absolute best for their children... That could be a 20 minute run in the morning, a long hot shower in the evening, or a pair of the best fitting blue jeans in the entire store because the way they make you feel reminds you of a time when you were wild and free.  

But for right now? For me? My current location: finding a job that I love going to, so that I can feel like I am contributing to society, our household income, and showing my children a Mom that can "do it all".  Sure, I understand there is an oppositional point of view to each of these statements, the reality is that I'm not interested in folding my hand of 2's next to the guy with the Ace of Spades; not yet anyway.  

So to the Moms that just stay home, please accept my strongest round of applause... but it's not for me.  And I'd prefer if everyone else would quit suggesting it as my "easy out" because there's nothing easy about being a Mom, and there's definitely nothing easy about life.

Mother's Day Mixup

So by the title of this post, you may think it's about to get a little crazy... I mean, there are a lot of things that can go wrong at Mother's Day, right?  Yes, that's right.  But this post is a little bit different than you may be thinking, just let me explain.

I keep seeing memes all over Facebook and comments about what other Moms want for Mother's Day.  Anyone that knows me, knows I am a HUGE celebrant - birthdays, holidays, achievements; you name it, I'll probably suggest we have a party or buy a gift in honor of the event.  Ironically, however, this is where the whole mixup of Mother's Day has come up for me this year.

Why, Why, WHY - OH - WHY, is everyone sharing things like "I just want a clean house" or "I want the laundry done" as their request for the day meant to celebrate perpetuating the human race?!

Now don't get me wrong, I understand where the root of this comes from... I, like all parents, want to wake up to a house that's perfectly clean when I didn't have to do it.  I, like all parents, want to know that all the laundry is done/folded/put away.  I, like all parents, want a day to myself to do whatever I want... and I, like all parents, definitely want to sleep in and wake up to a happy house full of children that don't fight all day.

But why is that something special to celebrate a day that's supposed to honor being a Mother?

In a fantasy land far, far away, I imagine those fairytale situations would be more common than just once a year or the result of a family wanting to "honor their Mother".

Now before I go any further, I want to reiterate that I understand where this all comes from - in many households (um, hello, ours is one of them) the Mother is the one keeping up on daily tasks of the home.  We make sure everyone has clean clothes to wear to school, occasionally they come from somewhere other than a basket - like maybe a drawer or closet - and we ensure everyone gets fed from time to time, as well.  I can guarantee you that I am the one to clean our house 98% of the time and I think I should just wear a black and white stripe shirt as a daily uniform for all the refereeing continuous arguments between humans much smaller than I am with larger than life attitudes/emotions.

Like all other parents, I think a day "off" from those duties sounds like heaven...  but that's not what I want for my Mother's Day.

Why are we, the best perpetuators of the human race and captains of Team-Do-It-All-Because-That's-How-It-Works, agreeable to just one little bit of a break for only 1/365th of our life?  And why are Dads (presumably) assuming that this is enough?

I will throw this out there, real quick: my husband helps.  He helps when it is convenient for him by doing dishes, switching laundry, hanging laundry on the line, giving showers/baths, cooking a meal once in a while, and putting kids to bed as needed.  Does he help everyday?  Nope.  Does he always do one thing or another? No.  Do I appreciate it when he does something?  Yes.  Do I tell him that I appreciate it?  Yep!

But I can also promise you that I don't celebrate 1/365th of his life (since becoming a Dad) by offering to take the trash out, mow the lawn, or wash his truck.  Because think about it, is that really celebrating him?  Does it actually give him a "break"?  Would he even enjoy that?  Would (me) telling the kids to take it easy around him so he can "enjoy his day" make him feel any more celebrated?  Um, hello, probably NO.

So why are we, as Mothers, selling ourselves short to accept the "gift" of something that should be part of normal daily life?  

Obviously, I don't expect an answer.  That's a completely rhetorical question.  And to be totally fair, I don't even have an answer to offer... But consider this: Mother's Day should be celebrated just the same as we celebrate so many other holidays, events, and birthdays.  Because realistically, Mother's Day is a day of birth in so many ways, and (in my opinion) should be celebrated accordingly.

I hope you'll focus on honoring what the Mother in your life would really want, celebrate who she is as a person, and consider what is something that she wouldn't normally do for herself - because cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and making dinner - isn't the answer.

"Ain't no Momma like the one(s) I got!"