Self-Care Ain't So Bad

Picture this, you've worked in varying fields of interest for around 15 years, you enter into a new job with a light hesitation because you're not 100% sure what you just signed on the dotted line to do - and two years later you're sitting back smiling because you've finally found your niche.  Sounds perfectly cliche, right?  

Now let's take it down the alternate ending path, go through all those first steps, but at the end of the 22nd month in said-perfect-niche-job, you find out that the funding for your program has been cut and your perfect-niche-job will no longer exist.  The story isn't so sweet, now, is it?

Well there I am, the second option, that alternate ending - it's not my "end" - but it's my current location.

And it's thrown me for a loop.

Sure, I'm lucky to have a couple of other options I could pursue if I should choose to do so, and I have an education that can't ever be taken away from me.  But the one that really gets me, and is the point (I know, the fifth paragraph in, and I'm finally getting to the point) of this blog post, is what I hear from a bout 90% of the people that find out I will no longer have the job I've enjoyed for 22ish months...

"You have four kids, why don't you just stay home?"

Ok, first of all, let's consider the one word in that sentence that absolutely makes my blood boil.  JUST. JUST stay home.  Are you kidding me?  How many mothers of anything (dog, cat, hamster, humans, whatever) get to ever JUST stay home?  That's a full time job that gives me anxiety at the mere thought of it.  It's not JUST anything.  It's a huge ball of messes, meals, emotions, errands, and extra cleaning all rolled into one... with absolutely no paycheck (yeah, yeah, yeah, give me the rundown of all the benefits it will afford me and my family's future right here             ), absolutely no thanks, and even less appreciation than a water business in winter.  And it's everyone from scumbags of the Earth to incredibly educated politicians, all of whom use the phrase "just staying home".  WHY? It's just a suggestion, I suppose?

Second of all.  Four kids.  That's right.  We have FOUR kids.  Do you have any idea how much it costs simply to feed, clothe, house, and bathe them all? Not to mention when my husband and I would like a little something for ourselves or something nicer than a yard sale find in July?  Because let me tell you, at this point, we aren't living in the lap of luxury with a three bedroom home for our 6 person family, but we are happy and it's within our means - the means we can provide while I have an income to assist with supporting our family.  Not to mention that our fourth baby's first few months didn't exactly go like anyone planned, so he's now on full time formula at a whopping $200+ per month.  I guess that money will come up somewhere I've never heard of if I just stay home?

Third, and absolutely the most important, but possibly the most detrimental to my mental well-being when I take everyone's reactions to heart... because I'm a softy like that (awwww).  I'm not meant to be a stay at home Mom.  Yes, I know that sounds like I don't care about my kids to anyone that doesn't know what I mean.  What I wish you (those people) knew, is women practicing a little self-care isn't always a bad thing - especially in rural communities.  For I don't know how long, it has been conceived that a woman doing what's best for herself is a negative thing; her "job" should be to serve everyone else, her children/family first, and worry about herself last.

Well guess what, sweetheart, those days are long gone.  And if knowing/doing what is best for me makes me less of a woman in someone's eyes, then so be it.  Sometimes, Moms have to put themselves first, so they can be at their absolute best for their children... That could be a 20 minute run in the morning, a long hot shower in the evening, or a pair of the best fitting blue jeans in the entire store because the way they make you feel reminds you of a time when you were wild and free.  

But for right now? For me? My current location: finding a job that I love going to, so that I can feel like I am contributing to society, our household income, and showing my children a Mom that can "do it all".  Sure, I understand there is an oppositional point of view to each of these statements, the reality is that I'm not interested in folding my hand of 2's next to the guy with the Ace of Spades; not yet anyway.  

So to the Moms that just stay home, please accept my strongest round of applause... but it's not for me.  And I'd prefer if everyone else would quit suggesting it as my "easy out" because there's nothing easy about being a Mom, and there's definitely nothing easy about life.